dumb kids

My daughter had a sleepover birthday party this past weekend. She turned 10 at the beginning of the month, but we had to delay the party for 3 weeks since our planning skills, well… suck. If you are considering having one at your place, here’s a few key tips to remember:

1. Make a spot for all the kids shit when they show up. This is especially important if it’s cold out and theres coats, hats, mittens, boots and other gear involved. Kids are dumb and lose things easily. We had one kid lose a jersey his daddy just bought. Dick dad made it clear he was unhappy with his sons inability to manage his 60 dollar football shirt and since I allowed fatass to enjoy my kids birthday party that I deserved some attitude. Yeah ok fuckbag, here’s a piece of cake and a bag of kitkats, I’ll call when it turns up.

…and it did. And wouldn’t you know his other kid who also spent the night was missing some of her shit too? Must run in the family since dickdad couldn’t seem to find a condom before poking his little pecker in his cuntnag wife. Ah, but I remiss, back to the tips…

2. Someone’s gonna get hurt. Science has taught me that the number of accidents kids have is directly proportional to the number of kids at a party, divided by the average age of each kid, multiply by the amount of free space, equals the frequency of accidents the little fuckers are goning to have. This too is your fault. You chose to entertain your child’s qequest to have 10 of her neatest friends over and any accident as a result – yup, it’s on you buddy. Bottom line here is a) make sure your homeowners insurance premium is paid up, and b)make sure you keep the number for 911 written on the back of your hand.

3. You will not be having sex tonight.

4. Don’t start doing shots until 9pm.

5. Kids have feelings too. Calling them a pack of squealing fuckbags hurts them as much as it does your wife or girlfriend. Those of you that have ever called a bitch a cunt know precisely what I mean.

6. Cute kids have ugly mommies with small boobies and large booties.

~ by hurtz on October 23, 2011.