Hey, Why U nO?

dumb kids

My daughter had a sleepover birthday party this past weekend. She turned 10 at the beginning of the month, but we had to delay the party for 3 weeks since our planning skills, well… suck. If you are considering having one at your place, here’s a few key tips to remember:

1. Make a spot for all the kids shit when they show up. This is especially important if it’s cold out and theres coats, hats, mittens, boots and other gear involved. Kids are dumb and lose things easily. We had one kid lose a jersey his daddy just bought. Dick dad made it clear he was unhappy with his sons inability to manage his 60 dollar football shirt and since I allowed fatass to enjoy my kids birthday party that I deserved some attitude. Yeah ok fuckbag, here’s a piece of cake and a bag of kitkats, I’ll call when it turns up.

…and it did. And wouldn’t you know his other kid who also spent the night was missing some of her shit too? Must run in the family since dickdad couldn’t seem to find a condom before poking his little pecker in his cuntnag wife. Ah, but I remiss, back to the tips…

2. Someone’s gonna get hurt. Science has taught me that the number of accidents kids have is directly proportional to the number of kids at a party, divided by the average age of each kid, multiply by the amount of free space, equals the frequency of accidents the little fuckers are goning to have. This too is your fault. You chose to entertain your child’s qequest to have 10 of her neatest friends over and any accident as a result – yup, it’s on you buddy. Bottom line here is a) make sure your homeowners insurance premium is paid up, and b)make sure you keep the number for 911 written on the back of your hand.

3. You will not be having sex tonight.

4. Don’t start doing shots until 9pm.

5. Kids have feelings too. Calling them a pack of squealing fuckbags hurts them as much as it does your wife or girlfriend. Those of you that have ever called a bitch a cunt know precisely what I mean.

6. Cute kids have ugly mommies with small boobies and large booties.

It is a shitty day in…

It is a shitty day in Easter Iowa. There’s rain everywhere, and it is overcast and cloudy. I’m having trouble staying motivated and I’m pissed off that I cant seem to find an action replay for my Playstation 2. I’m thinking I should just go home and call it quits, but no I’m headed back to the office to endure more pain. I hope my burrito tastes as good as it smells, that will be the highlight of my day. listen

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The snow sucks, the…

The snow sucks, the wind blows, you’re a whore suck my balls. listen

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today is sunday

This is Sunday. Tomorrow is Monday. Fuck cats.

PayPal.com annoyances

I want to be able to link both my paypal debit card and my wifes to the same checking account. We’ve shared a checking account for years, and by not being able to link both of our cards to that account limits the purchases I can make with my card, since mine is linked to a checking account with little to no balance. Every time I go to pay for something and there isn’t enough funds in my paypal account, I have to select use credit card as a backup funding source, and I get your annoying prompt telling me the benefits of using a bank account as a backup.

To make matters more insulting, you don’t allow a credit card to be a permanent backup source unless its your own.

I’ve dealt with this for years but I figured by now you would have corrected this annoyance. I wish you understood that there are many couples in my situation that share accounts with their spouse and would like to benefit from using their shared checking account as a backup funding source for their paypal debit cards.

classmates.com sucks

classmates.com is a great idea, but the site totally sucks. They assume every person visiting the site is a lonely single sucker with unfinished business. If all you want to do is find out what happened to a friend from years ago, be prepared to shell out some cash. Pop-ups everywhere, emails every week, ads, ads and more ads. If only there were a free alternative that did what the site is supposed to do, reunite you with friends from long ago.

Didn’t realize I had something to say

I accidentally opened my wordpress editor (in imified). I meant to update my twitter status. I apoligize for wasting your time. Go back to your regular Saturday afternoon activities.

Leave you clipboard here for the world to see

Paste whats in your clipboard right now. Heres mine:

7:38 p.m. EDT

(Bonus for anyone that knows whats taking place at that time in about a week…)

Nintendo uses hot bitches to sell the Wii

Ever notice that Nintendo puts the hottest damn chicks on the couch? I’m not even into Asian chicks and I might consider banging a few of them just for S&G’s.

http://us.wii.com/experience_gallery.jsp

Mmmmmm…